Think Tank

I spend far too much time thinking about my future pet octopus. Lately I've taken to brainstorming how I'm going to decorate his tank. Octopuses need a bunch of stupid space-stealing rocks in order to stay alive. This means that I'm going to have to glue a bunch of crap to said rocks in order to reenact iconic scenes from my favorite* movies.

Good Will Hunting...with an octopus

Teen Wolf...with an octopus

Lawrence of Arabia...with an octopus

Speed...with an octopus

*These aren't really my favorite movies. They were chosen mainly for comedy.

Should I Get a Pet Octopus?

Pros:

It would open jars for me.

It would sit on my pillow and stroke my hair while I sleep.

It would ride around my apartment on top of the Roomba, helpfully moving cords out of the way.

Cons:

They need a giant/expensive tank.

I'm worried that it will slap me in the face with its tentacle, and that its suction cup will go directly on my eyeball.

I can't think of any good names.