She Knew There Were Two

Do you remember that point in the 2008 Democratic primaries when it became mathematically impossible for Hillary Clinton to receive the nomination, but she just kept running anyway as if she had become a parody of her very self? My friend Brendan and I fully supported her decision to ignore reality, so we went to see her at a rally in DC.

And I'm going to go ahead and convert this picture to puppet-us: 

We each had our own campaign poster that we wanted Hillary to sign. When the rally was over, we rushed the stage with everyone else. I mean, she wasn't exactly getting those 2008 Obama crowds, but it was still pretty cray. We couldn't get close enough to touch her, which was disappointing as most of my fantasies revolve around her stroking my hair and telling me I'm special.

She started signing posters, so Brendan took both of ours and passed them up to Hillary from within the depths of the crowd.

As soon as we saw her up there with the posters, we realized that we had created a disaster for ourselves. Our posters were double-sided and identical, so they looked like only one poster when they were stacked on top of one another. We had a shared vision of her signing just one poster and how our subsequent battle over it would destroy our friendship and possibly the world. We started freaking out and yelling to her that there were two posters but there was no way she could hear us over the screaming crowd of old, white Democrats (Obama really did have everyone else at that point).

But we had no reason to worry, because Hillary knew that there were two posters.

Aside: Here is a dramatization of what I look like when I'm handling a new dollar bill at work, and I suspect that there might be more than one. I'll convince myself that one dollar bill is two, or perhaps that two are three, and I waste a lot of time doing it. I also look really uncool and crazy. Everyone does.

End of aside.

Hillary Clinton signed one of our posters, KNEW THAT THERE WERE TWO, flipped them over and signed the other side without missing a beat. She then she handed them back to the crowd in one fluid motion. 

I cannot stress this enough. She didn't even see that Brendan and I were together. She didn't even really see Brendan. She could just tell that there were no more and no less than two posters. SHE KNEW THERE WERE TWO. AND SHE LOOKED REALLY COOL DOING IT UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE. MAYBE HILLARY CLINTON LIKE WASN'T REALLY GOOD AT BASKETBALL OR WHATEVER BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE WASN'T COOL, OKAY?

Brendan and I started shouting about how she knew there were two, and it has not stopped to this day. 

Also, blood came out of our eyes.

And Brendan got a speeding ticket on the way home.

In conclusion, Brendan lives in Virginia and I live in Utah, so it's really good that we each have our own poster and don't have to share custody.

Hillary 2016.